xx_bloody_jack: [Accidental voice post]

Mary 'Jack' Aurion (nee Faber) (

xx_bloody_jack) wrote,
@ 2009-01-22 16:34:00

[Accidental voice post]
[Light crying in the background.]

Always her. Always.

... I'm such a horrible person. Being jealous of a woman who's not even alive anymore.

He still puts her first. He'll always put her first. No matter what. And I can't blame him for it. I... I can't even be mad for it.

[Voice turns considerably bitter now. Increasing in volume.]

I can't be mad at either of them. Kratos or Yuan.

I... I just love him. So much. But he continues to leave me. He doesn't even tell me when he's leaving. He just disappears and expects me to keep waiting for him. And as much as it hurts I just sit here and wait for him. I let him go to the woman that will always be first and I just sit here and take it!

And then he thinks he has a right to interfere with our lives anymore. He left us. After I fought for him! After I screamed at Kratos for wishing to abandon him in the first place. And he has the nerve to tell me this is my fault?!

I have done so much for the both of them! I have loved them both and I have sacrificed everything for them both and it's still not enough for either of them! Kraots disappears in the night and thinks I will just wait for him. Yuan is so inconsistent in our lives and comes and goes as he pleases. And I sit here and I take it from both of them.

[Definitely yelling, practically screaming, now.]

I just wanted to feel whole again. I wanted to love. I wanted people to care for. I left my friends and family. I gave up my world for them and they can barely commit to anything. Either of them!

I-i don't see why I try. I don't see why I let them hurt me so much. I have given up my home, my family, I have even tried to change how I behave for them. And they abandon me. They both just leave me and think it's okay to come back whenever they wish and I will let them!

.... And I will. I'll let them. I'll sit here and let them abuse me... I'll just... I'll let them.

[Breaks down crying, not even realizing everything she's said was being recorded.]

(47 comments) - (Post a new comment)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 09:48 pm UTC (link)
	... (Reply to this) (Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 09:49 pm UTC (link)
	O-oh... oh god... y-you weren't s-s-supposed to... [crying again] (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked ] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 09:53 pm UTC (link)
	... Calm down... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 09:53 pm UTC (link)
	I-i'm sorry... so sorry... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	Jacky, calm down... I am the one who should be apologising. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 10:05 pm UTC (link)
	No no no! I-i said bad things... lots of bad th-things. I'm s-sorry. I didn't m-m-mean any of it! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked ] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 10:12 pm UTC (link)
	You have every right to be angry with me. And with Yuan as well. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 10:13 pm UTC (link)
	N-no! I-i'm not... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 10:25 pm UTC (link)
	It's all right, Jacky... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 10:25 pm UTC (link)
	N-no its not! I-i'm sor--- [cuts off crying again.] (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 10:29 pm UTC (link)
	... I won't leave you like this... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 10:29 pm UTC (link)
	I-it's okay k-kratos... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 10:34 pm UTC (link)
	It is partly my fault that you are like this... I will not simply abandon you and let you hurt alone. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 10:35 pm UTC (link)
	K-kratos n-no its not! I-i'll be okay... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 10:37 pm UTC (link)
	You have waited long enough. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 10:45 pm UTC (link)
	no... i-it's f-fine, kratos... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 10:51 pm UTC (link)
	...we should talk about this face-to-face. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 10:51 pm UTC (link)
	I-i d-d-didn't mean to s-say any of it... just... ignore it... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 10:55 pm UTC (link)
	Even if that is true, we should discuss this... instead of running away from it. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 10:55 pm UTC (link)
	... I-i'm sorry... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 11:00 pm UTC (link)
	I love you, Jacky, and I have not treated you fairly. Don't apologise. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	No no, Kr-kratos! Y-you have... i-i'm just stressed... I love you... s-so so much... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 11:06 pm UTC (link)
	You shouldn't have to make excuses for me. I should be supporting you, not fleeing from you... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 11:06 pm UTC (link)
	I-it's o-okay Kratos... i-i'll be f-f-fine... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 11:11 pm UTC (link)
	....I will return, so we can work through this, together. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 11:11 pm UTC (link)
	N-no! Y-you don't... you don't h-have to come b-b-back until you're ready... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked] wingsoffate 2009-01-22 11:14 pm UTC (link)
	I have spent enough time here... for now. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[Locked - voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-22 11:18 pm UTC (link)
	Y-you d-d-don't need to l-leave... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	timey_wimey 2009-01-23 03:57 pm UTC (link)
	... Do you want me to lock this for you? (Reply to this)

	pow_hammer 2009-01-23 05:19 pm UTC (link)
	Jacky... I think... no, I know that Kratos loves you very much. I think he's just scared of how strongly he feels for you, and that's why he's doing this. I know... I know what it's like to want to run away from something because you're scared, but I had friends who helped me realize that doing so wouldn't solve anything. Maybe Kratos needs someone to tell him the same thing. (Reply to this)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:15 am UTC (link)
	... Jacky. He won't leave you. You seem to be completely unaware of how much people appreciate you. Do try to avoid being upset. If you are unhappy, speak with them. Although that may be difficult if you let your emotions take advantage of you. Logic is panic's first prey, you know. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	[voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-26 05:23 am UTC (link)
	Speak with them? How? How am I supposed to that? My husband is so very far away and Yuan wishes nothing to do with me... ... I didn't mean for anyone to see this. Dammit! (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:29 am UTC (link)
	Your husband is your husband. You are allowed to go after him. Although I don't recommend it if you've got plans for the wedding. As for Yuan... I am willing to handle that, if you wish. What's done is done. Will you accept my assistance or not? I don't offer it very often. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-26 05:30 am UTC (link)
	.... yes. I'll accept your assistance. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:32 am UTC (link)
	Good. I'll do my best to make sure you won't regret it. What do you want me to tell Yuan? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-26 05:33 am UTC (link)
	I-i don't know what to say... what to do to get him to see how much I care and for him to believe it... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:35 am UTC (link)
	It's all about how you put it, and how he'll receive it. I'll pass on the message. It might be easier that way. I'm sure it was unintentional, but your presence may hurt him at times. And before you shout at me, I'll try to stop that after his gets better physically. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-26 05:37 am UTC (link)
	.... [quiet for a moment.] thank you. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:40 am UTC (link)
	What for? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-26 05:41 am UTC (link)
	... Helping him. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:44 am UTC (link)
	Hah, you don't have to thank me for that. I am a certified doctor, after all. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-26 05:45 am UTC (link)
	... It means a lot to me, though. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:47 am UTC (link)
	Hmm, I'm sure it does. But that doesn't change a thing to me, Jacky. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-26 05:48 am UTC (link)
	I know it does not. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:50 am UTC (link)
	...I'm sure he'd appreciate the thought though. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	[voice] xx_bloody_jack 2009-01-26 05:51 am UTC (link)
	I would hope so.... (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	enemy_or_ally 2009-01-26 05:58 am UTC (link)
	Only time will tell. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(47 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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